Why Getting Stuck Is Good for Children: Building Learning Resilience

“I can't do it.”

It's a phrase every parent knows, usually accompanied by a frustrated sigh, a pencil being put down or a request for help. And when we see our children struggling, our instinct is often to step in, explain the answer and make things easier.

But what if getting stuck is actually an important part of learning?

As a teacher, I've spent years watching children approach challenges in very different ways. Some are happy to have a go, make mistakes and try again. Others become uncomfortable the moment they encounter something they can't immediately do. Often, the difference isn't simply ability, but confidence, previous experiences and how children have learned to respond to difficulty.

Helping children become more resilient learners doesn't mean making everything harder. It means helping them understand that not knowing the answer straight away is a perfectly normal part of learning.

Why a little difficulty can be a good thing

There is a fascinating body of educational research suggesting that making learning easier isn't always the best way to make it stick.

Cognitive psychologist Robert Bjork, from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), developed the concept of desirable difficulties: learning conditions that require greater effort in the short term but can lead to better long-term retention and understanding. For example, having to retrieve something from memory, revisit it after a gap or practise different types of problems together can be more beneficial than simply repeating something until it feels easy.

A related idea is productive struggle, particularly well established in mathematics education. Researchers have explored how children can develop deeper understanding when they are given opportunities to grapple with challenging problems, test different approaches and make sense of mistakes, rather than always being shown exactly what to do first.

Research by Professor Manu Kapur into productive failure has also found that, under carefully designed learning conditions, attempting to solve unfamiliar problems before receiving instruction can improve conceptual understanding and the ability to apply learning to new situations.

Of course, there's an important distinction between productive challenge and unnecessary frustration. A child needs enough existing knowledge to make a start, a problem that is realistically within reach and support when they genuinely need it. Simply making something difficult doesn't make it educationally valuable.

But the underlying message is reassuring for parents: when a child has to stop, think, try something and perhaps start again, that effort isn't necessarily a sign that learning has stalled. It may be an important part of learning itself.

The difference between being stuck and giving up

One of the most useful things we can teach children is that feeling stuck doesn't necessarily mean they can't do something.

It might mean they need to read the question again, look for a clue, break the problem into smaller parts or try a different approach. Sometimes they simply need a little more time. Children can understandably interpret difficulty as evidence that they aren't good at a subject. A challenging maths question becomes “I'm bad at maths”, or an unfamiliar word becomes “I can't do English”.

As adults, we can help change that interpretation by making the process of learning more visible. Instead of focusing exclusively on whether an answer is correct, we can talk about the thinking that went into it, the strategies that helped and what might be worth trying next.

The goal isn't to persuade children that everything is easy if they just try hard enough. It's to help them recognise that difficulty is often temporary and that there are things they can do when they encounter it.

Why we shouldn't always rush to help

This is something I have to remind myself of as a parent, too. When my child asks for help, it's tempting to explain the solution immediately, particularly when we're short of time. But there is a difference between supporting a child and doing the thinking for them.

Sometimes the most useful response is a question: What have you worked out so far? Which part is confusing? Can you think of something similar you've done before?

These questions encourage children to draw on their existing knowledge and consider their next step, rather than waiting for an adult to supply it.

Of course, there are times when children genuinely need an explanation, a worked example or some direct teaching. Learning resilience isn't about withholding help. It's about recognising when to provide it and when to give children the opportunity to work something out independently.

Confidence comes from experience, not just encouragement

We all want our children to believe in themselves, and encouragement certainly matters. But confidence also grows from experience.

Think about the satisfaction of finally completing a difficult crossword clue, solving a puzzle or understanding something that initially made no sense. The achievement feels particularly rewarding because it required some effort.

Children need opportunities to experience that feeling for themselves.

A child who regularly encounters manageable challenges, receives appropriate support and eventually succeeds begins to build a useful understanding of their own capabilities. They learn that they can approach unfamiliar things, make mistakes, adjust their thinking and make progress.

That's a much more meaningful foundation for confidence than being told they're brilliant at everything.

Making space for challenge at home

One of the lovely things about puzzles and games is that they provide opportunities for children to experience challenge without the pressure of formal schoolwork.

A logic puzzle might require several attempts. A number pattern might not be obvious immediately. A riddle might prompt a completely incorrect guess before someone notices the clue that changes everything. And because the activity is enjoyable, children may be more willing to persevere.

It can also help when adults join in without automatically taking over. Wondering aloud, trying an idea and occasionally getting something wrong ourselves shows children that problem-solving isn't always immediate, even for grown-ups.

We don't need to turn every activity into a lesson about resilience. Sometimes we simply need to create an environment in which thinking, trying and occasionally getting stuck feel entirely normal.

A little challenge, every Friday

This philosophy sits at the heart of Friday Brain Building Club.

Each week, our Brain Building Sheets give children aged 7–11 a mixture of familiar puzzle types and new challenges, designed to encourage vocabulary development, number fluency, reasoning and independent thinking.

The activities deliberately revisit skills and knowledge over time, giving children opportunities to recognise patterns, apply what they've learned previously and grow more confident with different kinds of questions.

I want children to enjoy the satisfaction of solving something themselves, but I also want them to become comfortable with the moments before that happens, when the answer isn't obvious and they have to think a little harder.

Because perhaps one of the most valuable things we can teach our children isn't how to avoid getting stuck.

It's what to do when they do.

Help your child become a more confident thinker

Friday Brain Building Club delivers a new, screen-free activity sheet every Friday, packed with puzzles, vocabulary, numeracy, logic and reasoning challenges that encourage children to think for themselves.

Try Friday Brain Building Club free for 30 days, then £4.99 per month. Cancel anytime.‍